Exchange
by Nekocin
Summary: [Oneshot crack, AtobexJirouxothers?] What do you say... in exchange for...I'll give you...


**Title:** Exchange  
**Author: ** Nekocin  
**Type: **(Possible failed) One-shot, drabble  
**Genres: ** General, Parody, Mild Romance  
**Warnings: ** OoC, weird writing style due to some crack influences.  
**Pairings: Err-  
Rated: PG13  
Additional notes: ** Shounen ai, Suggestive  
**Disclaimer: Series not mine. Fic idea not mine either.  
Dedicated to: leviosa8 ** (because you gave me that wonderful idea through that edited picture of yours) and ** yoshikochan ** (because I want to give you some idea how I could write Atobe if I ever made him a main character in my upcoming new stories)

He sniffs disdainfully at the present his subordinates has presented him. None of them are good enough for his Gorgeousness to declare his undying love to someone-err-Someone on this day, Valentine.

Who wants to give plain home-made chocolates to his Someone?

Who's the idiot who wants to buy a set of books to show he's being earnest?

Who's stupid enough to use an animal as a gift too?

Definitely not ore-sama. How degrading. He really needs to train his minions about their tastes. (_"Na, Kabaji?" "Usu"_)

So what exactly is the ideal present for his-Jirou?

Perhaps a new king-size bed furnished with soft blue-silver satin sheets and 6 matching blue-silver-dressed pillows, complete with a shower of roses to emphasize their love-night, will be a great present?

Or maybe another private bathing place under the vast sky in which they could drive their lust out?

He shakes his head, sticks his chin up and turns his face away to emphasize his disgust.

"Ore-sama will have to find the gift himself," He announces dramatically, standing up from his chair-_cough_-throne-_cough_-and gathered the long blue-purple (_It's lavender, you fool! It HAS to be!_) robe he's wearing.

"Come on, Kabaji,"

"Usu,"

His minions bow in apology and stand aside to give way to bouchama. Their bouchama brushes past them with his faithful manservant, Kabaji, in tow holding up the ends of bouchama's long robe-_bridal style_, and makes a wonderful exit.

-

He doesn't know much of Jirou's hobbies aside from tennis and sleeping, or his favorite things (he _ -hates-_ to admit he doesn't know at least something about his Someone), which makes it even harder to come up with a present.

But since he is, of course, the great Atobe, he must have some sort of idea-  
He snaps his fingers (_not_)-out-of-the-blue, and smirks as if having found the perfect solution.

-

"You want me to be your Jirou's Valentine present?"

"Ore-sama does not like repeating himself,"

"Saa, I don't know-it sounds tempting,"

"Don't worry about the costs. Just name your price,"

"Hmm-this is a very complex problem, considering the fact that I'm forced to put _ -your-_ Jirou into my harem,"

"-Harem? Why doesn't Ore-sama know about this harem of yours?"

"You just never notice, Atobe-san. Now, tell me how you want me to be -presented?"

"-Forget it, Fuji. Forget Ore-sama had ever asked,"

"Are you sure? I mean, I'm not having second thoughts about being someone's present for once-it's very interesting. Ah! that gives me an idea how to make this day special for my Harem,"

"-You-You will never get Ore-sama's Jirou! Come on, Kabaji. We're leaving!"

"Usu," And His Greatness has left abruptly with Kabaji in tow.

Fuji chuckles to himself, clearly amused.

"Fuji-sempai, what's Monkey King doing here?" Echizen appears from behind, while holding his tennis racket as he adjusts the strings carefully.

"You're too young to know that," He answers. A suspicious look crosses Echizen's face.

"Never mind. Let's go. I don't want to let Tezuka and Saeki wait," His smile widens as he passes Echizen, strolling unhurriedly down the lane.

-

What in the world made him think of Seigaku's Fuji first?

His Majesty has already suspected Fuji having something with several members (namely two or three people he didn't want to name) of his own club, and, of course, with someone from the Bad-fashion-Red-shirts school.

How could Jirou admire such a person like Fuji?

Now, he's to pursue the other person he had in mind, or else he arrives at Jirou's house, empty-handed, which he did not intend to.  
Said other person seems to be a bit more easier to ask than he'd thought-

-

As His Gorgeousness approaches the Rikkai grounds, he instantly spots the person he needs to ask. He snaps his fingers to give a signal to Kabaji, who's currently driving a truck filled with heaps of solid, red-hearted gifts, and smirks at the all-round head of Jackal.

_Worship-Ore-sama's-stare._

Worship-Ore-sama's-generosity.  
  
As if Jackal has eyes on the back of his head, he turns to look over his shoulder in confusion. His eyes widens-not at him though (_NOTICE ME!_)-but at the truck behind the Majesty, and sparkles immediately appear in those eyes. If His Greatness didn't know any better (_of course he knows!_), he would think Jackal has a sweet tooth too, which means one thing-

"What do you say, Jackal? In exchange for these chocolates, you give me Marui,"

Without any hesitation, Jackal's eyes look hopeful and watery back at him. "Deal!"

-Marui's habits are rubbing off on Jackal. So easy. Atobe smirks. Satisfied and content.

And Marui's obliviously chumping off the chocolates he's gotten from his admirers, while standing next to Jackal with Yagyuu admonishing him of/commenting on the obvious and Niou smirking dreamily at chocolate-coated fingers, behind him.

-

"Jirou," He feels long fingers running through his hair and a familiar purr of voice is lulling him back to the consciousness. Whoever it might be, he feels content to get such wonderful attention-at least, why couldn't it be on occasions when he's thrilled to find another wonderful player.

Jirou mumbles something incoherently and opens his eyes blearily to see who's interrupting his 'nap'. It's-Atobe. He's always nice to him.

"Mhmn?"

"What do you think of the present Ore-sama has chosen for you?" Atobe smirks. "Kabaji, bring it in,"

And the answer is an automatic "Usu,".

Jirou tries to blink his sleep away as he watches half-heartedly Kabaji entering the room pushing a large-case-box-whatever-inside. The lid's pushed open and the sides of the box gets torn.

And there sitting in the middle is Marui still munching on the many sweets, he has in his possession, clearly oblivious that Jackal has sold him old...

Jirou immediately beams when the recognizes the face. "Wa, it's Marui! Marui from Rikkai! Hey! Hey! You're eating all the chocolates on your own! You're so wonderful! Are you really, really my present? Can I play you? Can I play with you? Can I? Can I? Can I, Atobe? Can I? Can I keep him?"

"Huh?"

Of all the things Atobe's good in, giving him a present like Marui probably means something else too-

"How about a threesome?"

Poor Marui.

END

TheNekoTalks:

Ehehehe, I think I did something very wrong with Atobe. Eep! I'm sorry, Atobe-fans! I didn't mean to butcher his character! Most of the egoism-or should I say Atobe-ism-is inspired by both leviosa8 and Cheeseburger of Doom. I think I must have been over-doing the whole thing. And ** :shakes head disapprovingly:** darn dirty minds...

I apologize for how stupid the story came out in the end-**:points at reason:**

:smiley face:cin


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